The judge asks the defendant, “Mr. Jones, what exactly are you accused of doing?”
“Your honor, I was just doing my Christmas shopping early,” the man says innocently. “There’s nothing illegal about that,” the judge replies.
“What time did you start?”
“Before the store opened.”
Time for a trip to the airport, where holiday cheer meets travel stress in the best way possible. Even if you’re not a fan of mistletoe, this next joke might make you look twice before checking in your bags this Christmas season. Dave wasn’t feeling the holiday spirit as he waited at the airport just before Christmas.
He noticed some mistletoe hanging above the luggage scale. Annoyed, he told the airline attendant, “Even if we were dating, I wouldn’t kiss you under such tacky mistletoe.”
The attendant smirked, “Sir, that mistletoe isn’t for you to kiss me. It’s there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye.”
Hold onto your Santa hats because this next joke features a kid with a very “creative” approach to getting his Christmas wishes granted.
When it comes to writing letters to Santa (or Jesus), this boy takes negotiation tactics to a whole new level. A little boy starts writing his Christmas letter to Santa, but his mom interrupts him. “You’ve been so naughty this year,” she scolds.
“You’d better write that letter to Jesus instead.”
He thinks for a moment, then begins writing to Jesus, but quickly realizes he can’t lie about being good. Frustrated, he goes for a walk to clear his mind and spots a nativity scene. Suddenly, he snatches the statue of Mary.
Returning home, he starts his new letter: “Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again…”
From a mischievous kid to a quick-witted teen, our next joke shows that sometimes biblical excuses can go hilariously wrong. It’s a classic case of trying to outsmart a parent — only to learn an unexpected lesson. After acing his exams and diligently studying the Bible, Danny asks his clergyman father if he can get a car for Christmas.
“You’ve done great with your studies,” his father says. “But I’m disappointed you haven’t cut your hair.”
Danny smiles. “Dad, in the Bible, I noticed that Jesus, Moses, and Samson all had long hair.”
His father nods, “Yes, but did you also notice they walked everywhere?”
And now, let’s end on a high note with a husband who’s in for a surprise of his own while Christmas shopping.
Just when he thinks he’s found a sentimental moment, he gets a reality check guaranteed to leave you laughing out loud. A couple is shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve when the husband realizes he’s lost his wife. Frantic, he calls her.
“Honey,” she says calmly, “do you remember the jewelry store where you saw that expensive watch you loved five years ago? The one I said I’d get you one day?”
His eyes well up. “Yes, I remember.”
“Well,” she replies, “I’m in the lingerie store next to it.”
And there you have it — a sleigh of laughs to brighten your holiday season!
Whether you share these jokes at a family dinner or use them to lighten the mood at a holiday party, they’re sure to spread some Christmas cheer. After all, the best gifts are the ones that bring a smile. So go ahead, share the laughter, and enjoy a merry, jolly, joke-filled Christmas!
