The train smelled like old fabric and burnt coffee, the kind they sell in paper cups that collapse if you grip them too hard. I sat by the window with a duffel bag under my knees and a thin plastic gift bag on my lap, the handles cutting into my fingers every time the car jolted. Outside, my hometown faded into a blur of parking lots and neon signs, then into pure dark where the highway ran parallel for a few miles like it was trying to keep up.
My phone buzzed once, then went quiet again. I didn’t cry. I didn’t slam doors or scream in the station.
I just watched my reflection in the glass, cap-and-gown collar still scratching my neck, and waited for the part where the pain turned into something else. When the conductor punched my ticket, he didn’t ask where I was headed. People like me—eighteen, alone, eyes fixed forward—always look like they already know.
Five days later, my aunt texted: Your mom’s been crying nonstop. She thought you’d just get over it. That message didn’t make me miss home.
It made me realize I’d never had one. My family didn’t start out cruel in a movie-villain way. They were just… a certain kind of American old-fashioned.
The kind that loved slogans more than conversations. The kind that believed boys didn’t need much praise because we were supposed to be tough, independent, built for disappointment. The kind that said, “Rub some dirt on it,” even when the wound wasn’t on your skin.
For a long time, I tried to be fair about it. I used to think we were just a little weird. Maybe a bit conservative.
Maybe a bit stuck in the past. But excuses wear out when they’re used like duct tape, slapped over the same crack again and again until you can’t pretend it’s holding anything together. Because over time, it became clear that no matter how much I achieved, my sister Mia could blink twice and get a parade.
My name’s Derek. I’m eighteen. And this story starts on the day I graduated high school—the day that was supposed to be simple pride and photos and handshakes.
The day I thought, maybe, just maybe, they’d look at me like I was worth celebrating. That was the day everything finally snapped. Growing up, I wasn’t the kid teachers had to worry about.
I didn’t steal, fight, mouth off, or break curfew. I did my homework. I kept my room mostly clean.
The story doesn’t end here –
it continues on the next page.
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